Mighty Honesty

Hey guys. So, today I am posting a different sort of post. Its one I have been debating about posting because it does expose me to alot of criticism and also a lot of heartache. But i think it needs to be said, because i CANNOT be alone in feeling the way I am about to describe. However, I hope to show you the reasons behind your feelings, and how to deal with them when they manifest themselves. Here we go.

Okay. So. As I said in the previous post, I have this ‘thing’ starting with Mister. And its great and lovely and he is wonderful. However, there are issues. And these issues arise solely in my brain.

They show themselves in different ways. I seek constant reassurance that everything is okay. I cant make decisions regarding ‘us’ in fear of upsetting someone. I get a bit antsy if he doesn’t text me back. I constantly second guess everything he says for signs that he is going to be the same as Set Up Guy. And sometimes- just sometimes- i get annoyed. Not with him persay, but just in general and I shut down.

At the end of the day, im massively insecure. And this is not a good thing. I am subconsciously letting these insecurities infect my new loveliness with Mister. And today I came to a striking revelation- i am actively allowing my old relationships to influence my new thing with Mister.

That isn’t fair on him.  it isnt his fault that ive been cheated on. It isn’t his fault that I have previously felt like relationship breakdowns were my fault. Therefore, why am I taking these insecurities out on him?

if im honest, i dont know the answers to this  but what I do know is that I am going to make a conserted effort to not allow this anymore.

So, I now wish to put a small paragraph directly to Mister, in the hope that he will read this:

I understand that the way I behave isn’t always ‘normal’, and I appreciate the way in which you handle me. However, i want you to know that I am sorry that I act this way, and that I am taking out my insecurities on you when it not your fault. Therefore, my promise to you is that I will try to work on my decision making, and my antsiness. I know you need space because we are still independent people living seperate lives (no matter how much I want our lives to be together). I will take a chill pill when it comes to texting you, and will let you have your own space. 

So, dear readers, try not to let your past relationships define your behaviour like mine have. Realise that you are a wonderful person, no matter what your situation is. When something lovely comes along, hold onto it and don’t let it be dirtied by the dirt flung up from your past. Love it for what it is.

Honesty is the way to deal with these feelings. Admit that you feel this way, and you will be on the way to understanding them. Then, communicate. Talk to your partner and explain your past. They will then be able to understand the reasons behind your feelings and over reassurances (and cuddles if you are lucky). Then work on changing your outlook and realise that this partner isn’t the same as the others. Yes, your paranoia could be telling you that he/she will turn out to be the same as the others. But until they have done something to give you this impression, it is unfair on them to tarnish then with the same brush.

Keep tuned for future posts about love, life, and everything in between.

Lots of love,

C,X

Love is Crazy and Stupid

Hello once again readers. Hope you are all ok. Today I want to post about some thoughts I had while watching a movie last night. So I was watching ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’, and for those readers who haven’t watched it, it is about a guy who breaks up with his wife and goes in search of himself. Its a very good film, and it highlights many key issues about dating and love which I finally understood last night.

Firstly, I don’t know about you, but there have been so many times in the past few years where I have looked at other couples and wished that I had what they had. However, last night I thought that what works for one relationship could be the totally wrong thing for another. For example, in the film, Cal (the lead character) meets a prolific dater in a bar and he teaches Cal how to be a womaniser like he is. But, the tips don’t work for Cal because he isn’t the kind of person who can be mysterious and not answer personal questions about himself. So when you see a couple who are all over eachother, just think that that might not be the kind of love which works for you.

Secondly, it doesn’t matter how many/how few experience you have with dating. Everyone has to start somewhere right? In the film, Cal has only ever been with his wife, unyet when they break up, he ends up having 9 sexual partners. Now, Im not for a moment suggesting that this is what you should do – please dont do this, unless you feel the need. But in the end, he discovers that none of this matters as long as you are in love with the person.

Another thing we can learn from this film, is not to put up with mediocrity. If you aren’t happy with what surrounds you, then only you have the power to change it and improve your life. Not happy in the relationship you are in? Either work at it or move on. Not happy in your job? Follow your heart and do what makes you happy. If there is one thing that people are becoming increasingly aware of lately, it is that life is far too short to spend it surrounding by unhappiness. If you are unhappy, but are hanging around for the wrong reasons, then it will only make your circumstances seem more unhappy.

Fate. Whether you believe in it or not, it is hard to ignore that there seem to be life forces which push and pull you away or into certain circumstances or people which change your life forever in one way or not. Cal finds that he is pulled back to his wife despite everything, and that she makes him happy. Whereas the prolific dater finds he is drawn away from dating numerous woman and to a single woman who turns his life upside down. I myself find myself drawn back to one guy who I was trying to hold at arm’s length and just be friends with. I find everyday that my feelings increase and i get drawn in.

So, this week, I will remember that what happens usually happens for a reason, and that unhappiness can be changed. Also, I will remember to keep an eye on the facebook page for this blog as there is going to be the announcement of a very special competition within the next 7 days. To be in with a chance of winning a very special prize, all you have to do is 1) Like our facebook page (www.facebook.com/single20odd), 2) follow the competition instructions given. I am very exciting about this competition, so get on over to facebook and like the page.

Thanks for reading guys. I hope you have a wonderful week. Keep your eyes open for the competition. Good luck.

C. x