Taking the plunge.

Hello again, my lovely readers. Wow, this week has been very emotional to say the least. Ive been on so many ups and downs its been crazy, and some of which i’m going to share with you in this post.

So, you will probably remember that in previous posts I had mentioned about this guy who, it is fair to say, is amazing and any woman who couldn’t see that would be stupid. You will also remember that this is the friendzoned guy, and I was debating whether or not to say something to try and escape the friendzone with him.

Well, dear readers, I decided that this was the week. This was to be the week where I was to tell him my feelings, he would tell me he felt exactly the same and that we could run away into the sunset and be happy. Well, I lie about the last part, but I was dreaming that the first two parts would go, to some extent, according to my dreams. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH, that didn’t go according to plan. Lemme tell you.

So, I had had a glass of wine – this was the only way I was ever going to get the courage up. I texted and, in my infinate wisdom, blurted out that I was wrong to have said we should just be friends, and was it possible to ignore that. Well, his reply baffled me, as he was confused……. not confused at what I had said. I mean, he is very brainy so if that text had confused him I would be a bit surprised. No, he was confused about his feelings. hm, not the response I had been looking for.

Now, at this point, I could probably have analysed this response in a number of ways.

1. He is genuinely confused.
2. He is letting me down very gently.
3. WHAT THE HELL DOES CONFUSED MEAN? YOU’RE CONFUSED. GOD HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL. I HAVENT LIKED SOMEONE THIS MUCH SINCE MY LAST SERIOUS BOYFRIEND FOUR YEARS AGO. THIS IS SO WEIRD FOR ME.

Yeahhhh, at the time I went for the last approach. I didn’t know what to do with myself to be honest. In retrospect, the first was most likely as he is a very honest person, which I truly admire. However, at the time, I felt like such a prat. I had just basically blurted out this huge feeling and given it to him. He probably thought, ‘what the hell am I supposed to do with this?’ haha.

When I look back today, I realise that I probably could have had a bit more tact. I blame the drink personally. I could have had a calmed outlook on what ever response he gave me. I should have taken what he said at face value and not read into it. This is something I have a real issue with, and he has even noted on it haha. Lastly, I should have calmed it. I mean, I know I feel like there is a rush to put some sort of finality to whatever is going on, as there is a lot of potential changes coming up in the next few months. But none of these changes mean that whatever is happening has to stop. Instead, I realise now, these opportunities mean that there is development. And development can never be a bad thing, both personally and relational.

So there we have it, I took the plunge and sank like a lead balloon. But listen readers, if these is a guy or lady who you are interested in, let them know. I give you this advice because the worst that can happen is that they knock you back. And when you are in the situation, you think that could be life-ending. But let me tell you, the view from down here is great, and the only possible direction from here is up.

Let me leave you this cute and quite funny picture which popped onto my facebook timeline while writing this post. It perfectly sums up how people and God must see my situation from the posts on this blog. I hope you all have a wonderful week, and remember to keep competition entries coming in to the email address.

C, x.

PS: to the guy involved, you know who you are. 🙂 I do truly apologise for blurting stuff out. But I do hope that you read this and smile and how stupid I am. x

The next step.

Hello everybody.

I hope you are all well. well, this week’s post comes after completing university assignments. I hope everyone is coping and not stressing out too much. So, this week I wanna chat to you guys about the distinction and change between being friends, and being partners.

For some of the people I talk to, it is apparent that their relationships happened all of a sudden, and quite often started out with the intention of becoming partners. However, for others, and I currently include myself in this category, things can often get muddled, and you end up as friends, with one or both individuals wanting it to be more. So, for the latter category of people, how easy or difficult is the transition, and what does it involve?

Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I personally feels it starts with a very awkward conversation about where both parties sit in regards to their feelings. If you are like me, you can be very socially awkward and you don’t want to ruin a good thing while its lasting. You don’t want to text or speak to the guy/girl involved and be like “hey, so, yano we are friends right now? well, how do you feel about being more?” Oh god, I cringe even as I type that, because what if they say that you have no hope in hell? Now you have made the situation weird because they know that you like them but the feeling isn’t mutual. :s

So, if you have this conversation, and it goes successfully, and you aren’t knocked back, then the next issue arises – how does the behaviour change when you go from friends to partners? Now, it is obvious that there are behaviours which are applicable to friends, and behaviours which are applicable to partners. However, if you have previously been friends, then I think it may  be quite weird to change the behaviours which you are familiar with being friends. For example, I don’t understand how people manage to not have sex before marriage. Im not the biggest expert on sex, however, surely a relationship without sex is just like a friendship, so when you are married, would it not be totally weird to have sex, because it would surely change the whole dynamic of the relationship. PS: this is no indication on my feelings towards sex before marriage. Im just saying it must be odd?

Anyway, so this week I have been thinking about this guy, and I have to admit, Im so confused. I mean, I would hate to make it awkward, which is why i dont think ill say anything until the point when he mentions something. If he doesnt mention anything, then he obviously doesnt think the same thing. I mean this is my own fault because I was originally the one who said we should just be friends. Yet again, I made it difficult for myself! haha.

 

Anyway guys, sorry for the short post, I need some sleep. However, check back next week when I will be discussing dating techniques, as this week I will be interviewing some serial daters, and people who have been successful on the dating scene. Thanks Guys! C. x

Update post

Good morning guys and girls.

I hope you are well and that this week has been successful for you- I have been a busy beaver this week with a piece of university work which is killing me 😀 However, I will get it done in the end. So today I just wanted to post an update about the changes I have seen over the past 4/5 weeks of writing this blog and really focusing on how I feel about my own situation.

I realise after the previous blog posts that I actually used to put far too much emphasis and importance on finding a boyfriend, when I should have in fact been looking inwardly and getting to know myself first. I mean, I have always thought that I had quite a good grip on who I was and what I stood for as an individual. However, it has occurred to me over the past few weeks that this may not be the case.

My first revelation was that I have no idea what I see as a date. I mean, only this week I went to the cinema with the same guy who is in the friendzoning situation I told you about on week 1. While there, I realised that I wasn’t even sure what I class as a date. I mean, we are just friends….. but would someone else see that as something different?? I have no idea. Either way, I know this guy is a dream to me… but not the type of dream where you realise they aren’t who they say they are. I don’t think I have ever met a more genuine individual in my life.

Secondly, I find myself working out that I have no idea how to tell someone that I like them. I remember a time when it was simple. The conversation would go something like this…

Boy: Do you like me?

Girl: Yes.

Boy: Wanna be my girlfriend?

Girl: Ok then.

And that was it. End of conversation. However, Im not sure when this happened, but it somehow got harder. I think that probably has a little to do with me not letting go of past relationships etc. However, I wish I could find a way to broach the conversation about whether you like a person or not. See next week’s post for more on this.

Thirdly, I have found recently that being able to openly talk about the past is very cathartic. I have recently reconciled with a friend with whom I hadn’t spoke with for months because we had an argument. I realised at that moment that forgiveness is important for both parties. It kind of allows healing to take place, like a stitch in an open wound. It brings both sides together and keeps them in place while they both figure out where they stand in relation to the other individual. This is a very important thing. So if you are single, and find yourself thinking about an ex partner alot, please, let it go, and forgive them. Even if you don’t think they deserve it. Forgive them. It may well make you feel better.

So, these are just a few things that I have learnt and observed since beginning this blog. I once again want to thank you all for the support I have received, and for the success that this blog has had. At the time of writing, we have had readers in 13 countries, with an average daily hit of 200 views. This to me is astonishing to think that that many people are reading about my single life. Thank you for the support.

Next week I will posting about the leap between friends and partners, so stay tuned for that. Thanks guys. Have a great week, C. x

Part 2: Dating in the 21st Century

So, hello again Guys and Girls.

It’s monday again and I find myself writing another blog. First of all, I must tell you guys that I am overwhelmed by the response to this unexpected and un-planned blog. So thank you all for your support, and I hope you keep reading. Secondly, this week has been very exciting as this blog has been entered into numerous blog directories, as well as now having its own unique Facebook page (www.facebook.com/single20odd, or search ‘The Life and Times of a Single 20 Something’), twitter (@single20odd) and email address (single20odd@gmail.com). Please feel free to add, share, like us, as I would love to hear from you. 

Ok, so down to business. This week, my post is concerning the world of online dating. It is often said to me that I am too young to be worrying about being single. I’m sure a lot of you have also been told this. However, this doesn’t help the situation if you just want someone special in your life. Therefore, there has appeared to be a rise in the number of ways in which the younger adult generation can connect with eachother with the aim of finding partners. Many of these forms, if not all, are a dating website of some description. I have spoken to so many singletons who feel like they aren’t meeting the kind of people who they would regard as ‘partner material’. My reply is often “well broaden your horizons and look online”. Now, I know that it isn’t for everybody, and I know that it can be unsafe. However, if you take all the necessary safety steps, then what is the harm is meeting different people – people you may not usually socialise with- in an attempt to broaden your dating horizons? 

Having signed up to a well-known dating site about 12 months ago, I know from first hand experience of the weirdos which regularly patrol online sites. However, everyone needs someone to love, right? So, it goes without saying that you don’t give personal details out, and you certainly don’t meet alone, or until you know details about the person. 

Now, setting up a dating profile, from a girls point of view, can be likened to putting your best side on show for all the world to view and judge. This is such a surreal experience as you want to find someone genuine, but at the same time, you are probably worrying about how you are coming across and therefore end up with a very generic profile. However, what we don’t think about is it is only the same as going on a night out and making sure we look fabulous before leaving the house and realising that, at the club or bar, someone is wearing the exact same dress. We feel like crap and just want to go home and eat that tub of ice cream which we call an ’emergency stash’ while crying that we will forever be alone. Or is that just me? :s We often don’t think that guys probably had the exact same pain in writing their profiles, but more about the male perspective next week.

Back to personal experience; having received a message on-site from a guy in my area which was very well written, with basic information about himself and how he ended up on a site such as this, I got talking to him on a regular basis. After speaking with him numerous time on the phone and via emails etc, we decided to bite the bullet and meet up after 9 months. This was such a surreal experience as I felt like I knew him, but we had never met. However, it was a wonderful date but a while after, a dreaded thing happened….. we both kinda said it would probably not work. we had been FRIENDZONED by eachother. Oh dear. This guy is so cute though, girls, so if you want me to hook you up….. 😉 just kidding. The moral of this story is that I would probably never have met the guy I now consider to be one of my closest friends had I not been actively searching online. My philosophy is you get out what you put in, so take some time to consider online dating and be proactive about your singleness. 

However, in research for this blog I have been back online actively searching for a guy. I have received the occasional weirdo messages, which I simply ignore. Despite this, there appears to be a goldmine of guys who are truly lovely and are genuinely looking for love, and this is supported by around 40% of you who took the poll at the bottom of last week’s blog, who say that they have mainly positive experiences of online dating. I believe you would be truly surprised to find that there are so many people in the 20-30 age bracket who are on sites such as this.

My realisation this week is that you do need to take the plunge, be proactive, be adventurous and actively do something to sort your love life out. This being said, please be safe online by not giving out personal details, not meeting someone alone without someone there in the background to watch you, and make sure you tell someone where you are, and what time you will be back. Common sense people, please please use it. 

So, that concludes this week’s blog post. Please make sure to connect with me on social media etc as I would love to hear from you, and I would love for you to be able to access exclusive snippets, news and more which will be coming into the facebook and twitter pages very soon. Can’t wait for you to join me next week when, hopefully, we will have 2 parts: the male perspective on dating online, aswell as an update on the coming week’s dating research – speed dating. I am so excited. 

Thanks for reading guys, see you soon. C.