Installment 3: Male Online Dating and speed dating introduction.

Good evening guys and girls.

Well, what a week it has been. Ive been so busy with university work, as well as advertising this very blog. It feels like only yesterday that I last updated you all on my online dating escapades.  

So, last week I said that we would hopefully be getting a male perspective on dating via the internet. So unfortunately, the guy I had arranged to write something was, like me, so busy this week. Therefore, what I have done is I have outsourced some opinions via google searches, and asking people via my personal online dating profile. 

What I have seen online is that a lot of guys originally join up to dating sites with a lot of heel-dragging. I think their pride gets in the way, as happens with a lot of things in their life, and they think that they are being seen as desperate. However, I think, like us, they find it hard to decide what sides of their personality to put across on their profile. 

One guy said to me:

“I struggled with writing long lists about myself, and feel like im just window shopping”. 

Initially, I thought to myself that the term window shopping is a bit harsh. However, I slowly realised that that is all we are doing anyway. Window shopping for a person who looks like someone we could get on with, before (with much trepidation in a lot of cases) casually bowling into the store to peruse the goods first hand via some in-site messaging.

Another guy told me that he felt an unspoken obligation to make the first move when a woman had viewed his profile and he liked her. This is something I find interesting, as you would think that in this day and age, men and women both understood that we are equal and that a woman, if she desired, could send the first message to a guy to let him know that she is interested, surely? Apparently not. 

So, what I can surmise from my short (and very brief, sorry readers) survey is that men feel like they are obliged to make the first move, even though, sometimes, they would quite like a woman to message them first. So Girls, next time you are looking for a guy, whether it be online or out in the ‘real world’, maybe take the lead and show your confidence by talking to him first. And guys, if you have any opinions or perspectives on dating (in any form) please contact me, as I would love to hear them.

Ok, so on to my next topic: speed dating. Now, I know you are all going to shoot me, but I was planning on going on a speed dating night, but i bottled it. I know I know, im terrible. However, when I looked at it in the clear light of day, i realised that I hate talking to people I dont know when Im in a comfortable environment, so how on earth am I going to survive in an environment I dont know with a bunch of strangers? Nah, it was never going to happen. However, next week I will be interviewing a couple who have been together for 5 years and who met through a speed dating event. This is very exciting. I hope to ask them about their experience, and also whether they had any experiences during speed dating which were less than fantastic. 

So I hope you can join me next week for that. I am so sorry that the post this week hasn’t been what I had planned. However, sometimes life just gets in the way. Please contact me via email (single20odd@gmail.com), facebook (http://www.facebook.com/single20odd) or on twitter (@single20odd) with any stories about your own experiences, or just to let me know what you think of the blog. Once again, thank you for reading, and make sure you join me next week. 

Bye for now, C. 

Part 2: Dating in the 21st Century

So, hello again Guys and Girls.

It’s monday again and I find myself writing another blog. First of all, I must tell you guys that I am overwhelmed by the response to this unexpected and un-planned blog. So thank you all for your support, and I hope you keep reading. Secondly, this week has been very exciting as this blog has been entered into numerous blog directories, as well as now having its own unique Facebook page (www.facebook.com/single20odd, or search ‘The Life and Times of a Single 20 Something’), twitter (@single20odd) and email address (single20odd@gmail.com). Please feel free to add, share, like us, as I would love to hear from you. 

Ok, so down to business. This week, my post is concerning the world of online dating. It is often said to me that I am too young to be worrying about being single. I’m sure a lot of you have also been told this. However, this doesn’t help the situation if you just want someone special in your life. Therefore, there has appeared to be a rise in the number of ways in which the younger adult generation can connect with eachother with the aim of finding partners. Many of these forms, if not all, are a dating website of some description. I have spoken to so many singletons who feel like they aren’t meeting the kind of people who they would regard as ‘partner material’. My reply is often “well broaden your horizons and look online”. Now, I know that it isn’t for everybody, and I know that it can be unsafe. However, if you take all the necessary safety steps, then what is the harm is meeting different people – people you may not usually socialise with- in an attempt to broaden your dating horizons? 

Having signed up to a well-known dating site about 12 months ago, I know from first hand experience of the weirdos which regularly patrol online sites. However, everyone needs someone to love, right? So, it goes without saying that you don’t give personal details out, and you certainly don’t meet alone, or until you know details about the person. 

Now, setting up a dating profile, from a girls point of view, can be likened to putting your best side on show for all the world to view and judge. This is such a surreal experience as you want to find someone genuine, but at the same time, you are probably worrying about how you are coming across and therefore end up with a very generic profile. However, what we don’t think about is it is only the same as going on a night out and making sure we look fabulous before leaving the house and realising that, at the club or bar, someone is wearing the exact same dress. We feel like crap and just want to go home and eat that tub of ice cream which we call an ’emergency stash’ while crying that we will forever be alone. Or is that just me? :s We often don’t think that guys probably had the exact same pain in writing their profiles, but more about the male perspective next week.

Back to personal experience; having received a message on-site from a guy in my area which was very well written, with basic information about himself and how he ended up on a site such as this, I got talking to him on a regular basis. After speaking with him numerous time on the phone and via emails etc, we decided to bite the bullet and meet up after 9 months. This was such a surreal experience as I felt like I knew him, but we had never met. However, it was a wonderful date but a while after, a dreaded thing happened….. we both kinda said it would probably not work. we had been FRIENDZONED by eachother. Oh dear. This guy is so cute though, girls, so if you want me to hook you up….. 😉 just kidding. The moral of this story is that I would probably never have met the guy I now consider to be one of my closest friends had I not been actively searching online. My philosophy is you get out what you put in, so take some time to consider online dating and be proactive about your singleness. 

However, in research for this blog I have been back online actively searching for a guy. I have received the occasional weirdo messages, which I simply ignore. Despite this, there appears to be a goldmine of guys who are truly lovely and are genuinely looking for love, and this is supported by around 40% of you who took the poll at the bottom of last week’s blog, who say that they have mainly positive experiences of online dating. I believe you would be truly surprised to find that there are so many people in the 20-30 age bracket who are on sites such as this.

My realisation this week is that you do need to take the plunge, be proactive, be adventurous and actively do something to sort your love life out. This being said, please be safe online by not giving out personal details, not meeting someone alone without someone there in the background to watch you, and make sure you tell someone where you are, and what time you will be back. Common sense people, please please use it. 

So, that concludes this week’s blog post. Please make sure to connect with me on social media etc as I would love to hear from you, and I would love for you to be able to access exclusive snippets, news and more which will be coming into the facebook and twitter pages very soon. Can’t wait for you to join me next week when, hopefully, we will have 2 parts: the male perspective on dating online, aswell as an update on the coming week’s dating research – speed dating. I am so excited. 

Thanks for reading guys, see you soon. C.